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1. I'm coming to Vegas for the first time, can you give
me the low-down?
You're going to be in Vegas, what do you mean where to go? It's Vegas for
Christ's sakes. If you can't figure it out, stay the fuck home. Seriously
though, I would suggest going to a casino, any one will do. Then take all of
the money you brought with you and put in on Black or Red, doesn't matter.
Than pray. If it doesn't work out go panhandle for an extra five bucks, then
go to the Stratosphere and jump off of the top. Have fun, it is one hell of
a ride.
2. My girlfriend and I just moved to Vegas and where wondering if there are
any good swingers clubs?
There are a few swinger clubs but none that worthy of a mention. I am
definitely interested in a threesome or more if you bring more friends but my
only requirements are that you send pictures first and you better be a
lesbian because I will not be involved in any threesomes where other dudes
are involved you sick fuck. If you are both women than I'm in and I will
show you the true Ask the Jew tour of Sin City.
3. Why are there so many people on the street passing out porn?
They aren't passing out porn, they're advertising it. Consider them human
billboards. Do you question why there are so many billboards on the roads
into Vegas or why the taxicabs have the signs on them, of course you don't.
So shut the fuck up and help support our industry. Take the little handouts
and call the numbers on it. Give the girl some money and have yourself one
hell of a good time. Remember, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. Except
of course the STD's come with you so wrap it up.
4. Are there any good Thai Restaurants near the Strip?
How would I know, I am allergic to peanuts and everything they make has fucking peanuts in it! You are in Vegas which is in AMERICA goddamnit. There are all sorts of good
restaurants in this city, none of which are Thai. I would suggest however
the Black Bear Diner for some real good home cooking. If you really want
Thai food, go to the beach and wait for the next wave to ride in on. Another
big one should be on its way to Thailand any day now.
5. How strict are the cops in Sin City? Is it a free for all? I see a lot
of people walking with drinks, is there an open container law?
Ah yes, Las Vegas' Finest (and I mean the ones that carry guns
and tasers not the strippers). This city is founded on tourism and your
dollars. It is very lax in all aspects. No, we do not have any open
container laws in this city except in motor vehicles. You can however drink
to your liver's content in a taxicab or limousine. I suggest when you are
walking down the strip and you see some cops, go up with your drink and
toast them, they deserve it. For one thing, who the hell wants to chase down
bad guys when it's 120 degrees outside and secondly, they have to stand
around and look at all you drunk assholes all day. Yes, it can be funny but
give me a break, even Seinfeld gets boring after a while.
- Lil' Jew
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